why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
