He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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