I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize