yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
