I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
