Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.