Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
