Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
