Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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