Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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