you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize