Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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