I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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