she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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