You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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