mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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