i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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