It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
