It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
