I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
