Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I heard we made out
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
