i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
