My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
