I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
