Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
