I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
