Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
