...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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