I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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