Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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