Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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