I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
