plz talk dirty to me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
