god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
