Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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