I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
