my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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