My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
