i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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