Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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