she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to make out with him forever
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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