One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
