he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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