I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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