I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Randomize
