all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
