i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
