he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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