Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
