You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
