If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
