I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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