My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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