I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
