I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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