Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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