I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
