mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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