Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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