my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
