I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
