remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
