My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
