her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize