she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's rum buckets o'clock
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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