Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
