youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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