Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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