my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
