You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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