How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
