I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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