she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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