You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
sex in a hospital.. check
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
