we have pet lesbian snakes
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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