Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
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By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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