I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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