the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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