can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
