Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
