Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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