so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
