so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
These tits shall not be calmed
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